Hospital Stay

If you're ever feeling under the weather, and think the hospital might be a good place to visit for some much needed rest, you're wrong.

After my brief stay there I am an EXPERT.

The problem may have started with me. Maybe it was my fault that I went to the emergency room when I was sick AND tired. Perhaps both issues were too much for this particular hospital to handle. Either way, if somebody is sick, and the best prescription the ER doctor can offer is "rest" and then insists on admitting you, you've got yourself a pickle.

So, skipping past the lengthy and inconvenient triage portion of the Emergency Room, I'll take you straight into the awkwardly sectioned-off-with-curtains portion. I got there at about 10:15, which you should also try to avoid. 11pm is a popular shift change time, and being able to stick with the same doctor offers some much needed consistency for a speedy diagnosis. But either way, the seemingly unnecessary questions about bowel movements (yuck) and other such personal questions were a breeze, comparatively speaking. The worst part was the other patients.

Now I do have a heart. I offer this as a disclaimer because the baby with the 105 temperature next door was probably very sick and uncomfortable. Guess what? So was I. And the gunshot victim that was rushed in quickly thereafter? Probably in much more pain than the child. Arguably, however, his was self inflicted. For the cherry on top of self inflicted ER visits, though -- my third roommate was a passed-out drunk. But not for long! She woke up in enough time to be annoying for the following two and a half hours as she sobered up. Needless to say, rest in the ER is impossible.

So when they asked if they could admit me for observation, my first question -- at 3am -- was: "Are they going to let me sleep upstairs?" The doctor responded quickly and assuredly. Also, however, inaccurately.

After the paperwork (which must be complicated, because it took them plenty long to fill it out), I was taken upstairs around 4:30am. They proceeded to ask me the EXACT SAME QUESTIONS as the other two doctors I had already seen. The only difference was this time there was more of them. Apparently the hospitalist (that I never actually saw, but prescribed me everything while I was there) "had to have these answered before he administered me any more anti-nausea or pain meds". Well, when I started throwing up again halfway through the questions at 5:15, the nurse decided it would be better patient care to go ahead and give them to me then.

I then proceeded to fall in and out of sleep in 5-10 minute increments until somebody would come in, insisting that I needed one of the following things checked:

• blood pressure
• temperature
• heart rate
• IV site
• level of pain (on a scale from 1-10)
• severity of my nausea
• swelling in my ankles
• my comfort level

There are a few other things that needed to be checked. However, my comfort level remained low, and my irritability remained quite elevated. After FOURTEEN HOURS of this, the doctor that I had been waiting on to discharge me came up to check on me at 6:30pm. I had been in the hospital 21 hours at this point, with approximately 4 hours of sleep total. Needless to say, when they finally released me at 7:15pm, I was more than ready to go! The 15 hours I slept once I got home definitely made up for what I lost in the hospital.

So here is my advice to you as a future patient:

• Go just after a shift change (7am, 3pm, 7pm, 11pm)
• Be well rested
• Have some scripture on patience memorized
• Write down the questions they ask you so you're prepared for the second, and third, and fourth rounds
• Don't have them put the IV site on the inside of your elbow (whenever you bend it, the machine will beep until the nurse readjusts the needle)

And for all of you in the medical field, this is for you:

• Don't tell the doctor things you haven't checked with the patient about
• When in doubt, look at the chart!
• Don't tell the patient one thing, and the doctor another (or the patient's family..)
• If someone is vomiting, nausea is probably one of their symptoms

Funny Friends

Sometimes my sense of humor is under-appreciated. Apparently, I always think I'm funny. Others do not. Because of this, I am especially sensitive to other people's feelings when it comes to their senses of humor. So I would like to recognize a few of my friends who have shared some pretty funny statements as of late.

After Challenge...
Christie: This really nice mentally handicapped guy at challenge, you know, the one that gave me like 20 hugs tonight?
Laura: Just because you're wearing scrubs doesn't mean you can hug every mentally handicapped guy, Christie.

About 10 minutes later...
Laura: I think I met my husband at Challenge! I forgot to tell you. We kept running into each other. Literally. I think it's meant to be, because every time I turned around we were touching.
Paul: Which guy was it?
Laura: Well, I mean he was wearing a white something on top.
Paul: What, like a smock?
Christie: Or scrubs?
Me: Oh, Laura. He was wearing scrubs. He just thought it was okay to hug every mentally handicapped person he saw.

At the library one day after class...
Laura: Matt! We forgot to tell you. We thought that it would be cheaper to consolidate, so all of us girls are moving into your house. My mom wouldn't really approve though, so each of us would have to marry one of you. We would save so much money on rent and living expenses though!
Matt: Sounds like a plan. In fact, this would make us better friends... and better people.

Playing Say Anything...
Chris (reading the game question): "What is the weirdest thing that could happen right now?"
Kristin Weatherford: The Rapture.
::Everybody laughs::
Kristin Weatherford: Kari would be left sitting here by herself wondering where all of us went!

Paul wanting to play a 4-player game...
Laura: I'll play.
Paul: Alex, Christie, you're playing.
Me: I don't want to.
Christie: I'm tired.
Paul: Okay, so you're both playing.
Me: I said I didn't want to. And Christie said she's tired. This is a perfect opportunity to teach you an important life lesson. "I'm tired" actually means "No." This will be important to you later in your marriage.

Christie needing me to bring something to church, asking via text message...
Christie: Would you mind bringing my black boat to church?
Me: It's kind of bulky to drag behind the car, and I don't think there's room for it in the parking lot.
Christie (clearly not realizing her mistake yet): Haha, well just put it in the car and bring it.
Me: I don't even know where your boat is.
Christie: Oh, funny. My COAT is in the closet.

Paul and Christie trying to make plans via text message the next day...
::Christie sends a cryptic text message::
Paul: That didn't make much sense, but I'll be here ready at 7. And I'll bring your black boat.

8:52 Sunday morning...
Laura: Alex! We have to go to church! (as if I didn't know it started in 8 minutes)
Me: Oh, is it Sunday already? Weird.
Laura: Haha, but it's like 8:55.
Me: And the church is 3 blocks away! How are we ever going to make it?
Kristin: Laura, I think Alex is funnier than you.

8:58 Sunday morning, Laura and I in the car on the way to church, having a different conversation entirely...
Laura: I think Christian would draw the line if that happened.
Me: I don't know that I've ever witnessed Christian drawing a line.
Laura: Well, that one time... we played pictionary telephone... and he drew a line..
Me: I'm telling Kristin you said that.
Laura: No, don't! It was supposed to be funny. That's funny! Don't tell her, please!

Paul and I sitting in the living room having a conversation...
Paul: Do you know what my coin jar is for?
Me: No.
Paul: It's for an engagement ring. My friend bought an engagement ring this weekend. You know what I did?
Me: No.
Paul: I started a dollar jar.

Movies

I'm really tired of watching movies. All the time. We watch movies. It's not fun. I'm pretty picky about movies. I usually fall asleep. That's not true: I always fall asleep. Nobody talks. Everybody's silent. Staring at the TV. Some movies are worth it. Most aren't. Sometimes I'm in the mood. Even then I'd obviously rather sleep. Movies are about as exciting as this paragraph was to read.
Here are a few reasons why I am not any longer going to choose to watch movies with large groups of people at night:

• I can use my time much more wisely. I love cultivating friendships. I love talking, and I love listening. These things are eliminated as options when a movie is turned on. It gets dark and silent.
• It wastes time actually deciding on a movie. If watching a movie was an event, and there was a particular movie many people had been talking about watching, I could and would make an exception. However, people can't agree quickly enough to make it worth the time it takes to choose a movie.
• If my life is so boring that I have to watch the TV for two or so hours about somebody else's made up life, then I should be attempting to make life more exciting than just being complacent. After all, complacency is sinful, right?
• Most movies don't glorify God. Sometimes a psychological thriller is fun to watch because it's intellectually stimulating. But usually they're scary or gory. I don't like to wonder what could happen if that murderer had broken into my house. Also, movies are generally filled with cursing, drinking, smoking, nudity, sex, divorce, adultery and other socially acceptable sins of sloth, greed and lust.
• Girls hearts are fragile enough without chick flicks to add to the list. I was perfectly content the other day until I turned "The Notebook" on. This used to be my favorite movie, but now Satan uses it to drag me back into woeful sorrows of my singlehood. I appreciate my life, so why would I want to watch something that is fake and untrue that is going to drag me backwards away from Christ?
• Playing games is apparently underrated now. It's a social event that can include any number of people and can last for a determined and finite amount of time. We can play for 30 minutes with 4 people, 3 hours with 12 people, 45 minutes with 10 people.. so many combinations! We could play Mao, Spades, Rook, Settlers, Ride that Train, Onze, 123, Speed, Egyptian Rat Screw, Presidents.. it makes me excited to think about it.

In case you didn't get it, you shouldn't ask me to watch a movie any time soon. You shouldn't ask me to go to a movie. You shouldn't suggest we watch one, you shouldn't try to convince me. It's not going to work.

The Servant

I've often prayed for a servant's heart. A true woman of Proverbs 31 has one. I have dreamed of the day that a guy compared me to this.

This day finally came.

However, it wasn't quite as I imagined it.

Tonight Laura, Christie, Matt and I were having a conversation about marriage. I'm not sure why this is our topic of conversation so often, but tonight it was worth it. Matt was helping us girls to understand how some guys try to interpret marriage, relationships, dating, etc. He used Paul as a specific example when we started to ask questions.

Me: He talks to me about relationships.
Christie: Yah, about lists and stuff.
Me: I don't agree with most of what he says. But he asks my permission to do stuff.
Matt: He just has an Old Testament view of things.
::Christie and I are both looking at each other, obviously confused::
Matt: It's like Isaac. He's sending out a servant to find him a mate.
Me: ...Am I the servant in this scenario?

In any other situation I probably could have taken this as a compliment. Sorry Matt, you're not fairing so hot lately on this front.

Lists

I was informed the other day that guys have at least one thing in common. This information was a disappointment to all of womankind. I was told that guys form "lists" wherein they name each and every girl they know. The list, however, is not set in stone. Though it is hard for a girl to be removed from the list, there are rotations. Some girls move up, others are shifted lower. In this scenario, the girls are rated by the guy's level of interest in them. Back to the fact that this is a disappointment to all womankind -- Romantic much? This seems like not.

• Girls, wouldn't you like it if the guy that was pursuing you wanted YOUR HEART ALONE!?

• Wouldn't it be awesome if he wasn't thinking "At least I've got a number 2...and a number 3..."?

• Don't you want your man to be chasing after you wholeheartedly, so much so that he can't even think of any other girls?

Well, apparently this list isn't true of all men. But in an effort to fully mock it, Matt Mills shared this anecdote:
"It's like this, you know, sports stats. It's the rankings. You've got a top 25, but there's a goal in mind. One girl's got to make it to the BCS Bowl."
These words melted my heart (NOT). I can't wait for another guy to relate my future marriage to the BCS Bowl. I don't know if it can be done. Also, if girls were to have lists, I think that guys who attempted this feat would be immediately removed.

Guarding My Heart

A few relationship-based issues have been brought to my attention lately. I would now like to bring them to your attention and let you ponder them. Hopefully you can confirm my suspicions. If not, I'll learn something new. Maybe what I'll learn is what's keeping me from being in a relationship? Just kidding but I want to guard mine and everybody else's heart. It's important.

So, relationships are complicated. You know what else is complicated? Not dating. Laura brought to my attention recently that this is a term that was coined by one of our friends last semester. There were a few sets of guy/girl couples that had paired off and were spending significant amounts of time together. This was distressing to other friends who were definitely single. One friend in particular said "All my friends who are NOT DATING are off doing things together." This term is referring to those that appear to be dating, but in fact are not. This phase of any relationship is difficult. Therefore, how are the onlookers supposed to handle it? Should they ignore it? Should they encourage it? Should they incessantly probe and tease, creating as many awkward situations as possible?

How about the situation of the girl that likes the guy? This one doesn't baffle me, except for those girls that choose to share with me their woes. In this instance, I say "It doesn't matter." That's my most typical response. If a girl likes a guy, it doesn't matter. Mostly because of Proverbs 4:23. If a girl is guarding her heart, liking a guy shouldn't matter. This is multi fold. 1: She should be a quiet servant of the Lord with a gentle spirit. Though her heart desires something, she should guard it to protect her LIFE. 2: No guy deserves any part of any girl's heart until he asks for it. 3: A girl can't and shouldn't read into anything a guy ever does unless he flat out says "I want your heart...I want to date you...I want you to be my girlfriend"...etc. If guys don't take hints, I assume that they also cannot give hints. This is for both the girl's and guy's benefit. However, is this the correct response? Should I encourage girls to share their feelings with other girls? How about with the certain special guy?

Those that are dating... Is it weird to ask when you're getting married? That is after all the goal. Maybe it takes the mystery out of it to ask, but I would assume that if wisdom is involved then there is at least a faint idea that it is in fact inevitable. I don't believe I agree in setting a date and booking a church until it's official, but does that make it a taboo topic?

Can girls even talk about the concept of marriage whilst guarding our hearts? If one girl likes a guy, whether she's dating him or not, is it healthy to think about marriage? I feel as though maybe it would be leading myself on. However, I don't necessarily think it's healthy to assume I'm NEVER getting married either. I believe that God is big enough to provide me with what I am to have. Right now I'm not supposed to be married or I'd be married, but I can't speak for my future. Does that mean I never should?

I feel as though I already know the answer to most of these questions. Proverbs 4:23 was a good start, but it's not the best. 1Corinthians 10:31-11:1 says it better: "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. Do not cause anyone to stumble, whether Jews, Greeks, or the church of God-even as I try to please everybody in every way. For I am not seeking my own good but the good of many, so that they may be saved. Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ." This is a good reference because the answer I've found is a quality response to all the questions I asked above...

"DO IT ALL FOR THE GLORY OF GOD!"

Getting Over My Self

I am kind of a stubborn person, but in the most positive way. The reason I see it as a good thing has a lot to do with the way I learn. Lately, I have been taught a lot of stuff -- mostly by God. My bullheadedness has come in handy in these situations. My absolute number one priority is, and will always be, to follow God and to do His will. I have fought conviction after conviction lately, and God has won out every time. I like to think it's because I let Him. Maybe I'll be convicted about that next..
Anyway, the point is, I am really driven (a nice way to say stubborn). I don't let a lot of things get in my way. When God asks me to sell my car, I do it. When God tells me to go to school, I do it. When God tells me to serve Him, I will. I just don't know how yet.
The issue lies in that God has asked these things of me, and I have submit to Him, and it is awesome. However, I can honestly say I didn't do it willingly. Stubbornness creates internal conflict. The lucky thing about internal conflict is that I always win. The down side is I also always lose. Because I am filled with Christ, His is usually the side that wins. The Holy Spirit has a funny way of being stronger willed than I am. But convictions are great, because when the Spirit wins out, and I am overcome with God's will for something, it takes a great shove to push me back to my old ways. I may not be happy yet about the things I have sacrificed, but I am not about to turn back around and try it the other way. I am definitely filled with joy over the things I have sacrificed.
God is so much bigger than me. His plan is so much better than mine. Though I have been fairly vague, I hope that my words don't fall on deaf ears (or blind eyes?). The application for this post really ought to just be that your flesh should not be enough to take you from what you believe to be true. I honestly believe that Jesus Christ lived a full and happy life completely free of sin. He also willingly sacrificed that whole life by dying an excruciatingly painful and ridiculously awful death. I know those things to be true, and it gives me hope that God will show me the way. I can be happy without sin, Jesus showed me how. I don't need to rely on my flesh and selfishness in order to find happiness. The flip side of that -- the sacrifice part -- that's encouraging too. Not in the obvious "Jesus loves me, He died for me" way. It's the fact that Jesus sacrificed, and I have to live just like him. That means I have to lay down my life; I have to make sacrifices and it's going to be ridiculously awful and excruciatingly painful sometimes. I'm not a sadist, but that's encouragement if I've ever heard it. I'm not God, so my sacrifices aren't going to save the world. But that doesn't stop me from holding that up as my goal: I want to save the world, one person at a time. So I pray that God continues to show me how to get over myself.

Looking for a Job?

As I was listening to Air1 this morning (whilst PACKING), I heard an interesting news headline concerning job security in the current economic market. It perked my interest. Apparently, there are three "markets" if you will, that are still hiring people.
Now, I would love to finish this blog, but first, I will write in true journalistic inverted pyramid fashion.
Some of you may be privy to my current schooling situation. If not, this is pretty much how it goes:

• I want to go to cosmetology school.
• I am already more than halfway done with my degree at Washburn.
• I don't need a degree at Washburn.
• I will finish my degree, and then go to cosmetology school.

Some would argue this is not in fact accurate, and that the following clause should also be added between the third and fourth bullets:

• My parents want me to get a degree.

Though I am ashamed that this is in fact an important piece of the puzzle, it does seem to make more sense with that piece present. Anyway, the main point is I want to go to cosmetology school. Some people that I have discussed this option with are seemingly unimpressed with my desire to follow my heart, do something I love, enjoy my life, etc. In fact, when most people (of the generation before) ask me what I want to do when I finish school, I answer "I'd like to go to cosmetology school." A few of the not-so-encouraging responses I have received are:

• "At least you'll have your degree to fall back on."
• "Hmm.. so, don't people usually drop out of high school to do that?"
• "I didn't think you'd enjoy that once you figured out what type of people usually do that."

Awesome, huh? Well, now that you can see the scope of the whole ordeal, I can go on with my news story.
Apparently, the three markets that are still hiring and have good job security are: Finance, Animal Fostering, and COSMETOLOGY! Step back people. It seems as though not only is my heart screaming with desire for this career path, but the economy is, too. So if any of you are reading and are the ones who made these comments, feel free to take your foot out of your mouth now. I'm not an 'I told you so' type of person...

Moving Day

Soon, I will be moving. In fact, I'm moving in 10 days. Moving sucks. I did it about 6 times last year, so I suppose I should be thankful that I am only doing it once this year (hopefully, fingers crossed!). Instead, I am choosing to dwell on the fact that working 40 hours a week and doing other chores like eating, sleeping and maintaining sanity leave little time for packing. After all, not only do I have to pack, but I have to do all of the following as well:

• Change my address.
• Find someplace to store all my furniture.
• Cancel my cable.
• Cancel my gas and electricity.
• Find boxes to pack my stuff in.
• Wash everything in my house so that it can be properly packed (slip covers, throw rugs, curtains, etc.)
• Physically move everything out of my apartment to the house or the storage facility that is still to be determined.
• Spackle all the holes I put in the walls.
• Eat all the food in my refrigerator. It's really inconvenient to move it all.
• Find the balance between packing things I still need and not having to unpack them again later after I discover that I do actually need them still.
• Go through all the objects in my kitchen, DVD shelf, linen closet, etc. and try to remember what's mine and what's not.
• Clean all the carpets.
• Clean out my closet and dresser so that I don't have to move clothes that I don't intend to wear.
• Take my cat to Paul's house :(.
• Coerce my friends into moving my stuff -- some of it's really heavy, and big.

Anyway, you are now appraised of the severity of my situation. Please take pity on me in these time of trial and tribulation.

My Song of Solomon

As of late, I have been studying Song of Solomon. Though it is to the dismay of many of my friends, I have grown a lot through the quiet times that I have spent in this book. I just recently finished the devotional that was leading me through it. I spent most of my day Saturday going through and making notes, trying to achieve deeper understanding. As a result, I ended up reading the book in its entirety multiple times. Upon the conclusion, I rehashed the contents with a few close friends. The summary went as follows:

Me: "So, it started out with this girl that saw this guy that she really liked. But, she didn't want to say anything to him because she was really insecure about her tan skin. Her stepbrothers made her work out in the sun. Then, they met and their relationship progressed. They got together in a forest, and he told her she had eyes like doves and teeth like unblemished sheep."
Kristin: "I don't think I would take those as compliments."
Me: "But they were. It meant that she had all her teeth. And they were white, and straight. Anyway, then they started dating. And the more they talked, she decided that she thought he was really hot. She kept having dreams about him. She said she wanted to jump him, but he was like 'O Daughters of Zion, don't awaken love'.
Kristin: "Wait, are you summarizing what you read, or did you just memorize The Message translation?"
Me: "Haha. No. So then they started courting, and they were more serious. He called out her name and longed to be near her, and told her all these really nice things. She got the hots for him again. Then he had to remind her 'O Daughters of Zion, don't awaken love'.
Allegra: "Why does he keep saying daughters? Oh yah! Didn't he have like 800 wives and 300 concubines?"
Matt: "No, I think it was 300 wives and 800 concubines."
Me: "You guys are ruining the romance that is this story. Their love was special. Because then when they get married, he has sixty soldiers standing guard to protect his bride. And he built her a carriage out of gold and silver and wood of Lebanon. Then his mom blesses their marriage by giving him the crown. Then, chapter four gets a little hot and heavy. And then in chapter 5 they get in a fight because he comes calling for her and she won't come down. Then he knocks on her door and she doesn't answer. He really wants to get in bed with her, but she totally denies him and is like 'I've already bathed and am in bed. Do you really want me to remove my nightclothes?' Then he gets mad and storms off. After awhile she feels remorseful and goes to chase after him. She asks all the watchmen where he is and they won't tell him."
Kristin: "He went off and told the whole town that his wife wouldn't let him in bed with her!?"
Me: "Yep, and she didn't even get mad. She felt so bad that she finally found him in the garden. Just as she was ready to apologize to him, he stopped her. He repeated all of the wonderful things he had told her while they were dating and on their wedding night. He reminded her of her beauty even though earlier in the evening he had been upset at her. Chapter 7 is kind of a repeat of chapter 4... But in chapter 8 she tells him how much she wants to be around him all the time. It kind of sounds like she wants to be his sister, but she doesn't. She just wants to be close to him in public. And then she asks him to run to her, and he keeps pursuing her forever."

The End

Other funny instances from this weekend:

Kari: You guys, what am I going to share about Ecoch?
Kristin, Laura and Amy: ECOCH!? You mean ENOCH!?
Kari: Oh, yah.
20 minutes later during life group...
Kari: Enoch had faith because...
Laura: Did you mean Enoch? Are you sure you didn't mean something else?
Kari: No, I didn't. But Ecoch had faith because...
*Laughter*

Laura: I really need to find the Magic D8 ball.
Kristin: Why would you look for that when we already consulted the love calculator?
Me: Besides, aren't those things like, Satanic?
Laura: No. This one's pink with glitter.

My First Blog Post

I decided that it would be fitting to first post about my first post. This is a pivotal moment in my life after all. Not to mention the irony with which this entire post will be dripping.

This importance of this blog is multi-fold. First off, I don't tend to journal. That means I will become a more reflective person. That also means all of you will reap the benefits of learning what God is teaching me. You will also be able to follow my each and every action, as I intend to blog minute to minute updates (I'm just kidding, but hopefully that will encourage you to read it more often?). Secondly, I will be able to communicate with you in a one-way manner. In other words, if I say something controversial or argumentative, nobody will be able to disagree with me -- at least not to my knowledge. Also, it will encourage me to be a more interesting person. As of right now, I have nothing to blog about except this blog post. Hopefully something will happen in the near future, or these next few posts will quickly move past ironic to ridiculous and redundant. Lastly, I can be open and honest with people. I don't generally have a problem with that as most of you know. However, it has proven difficult for me to be open and honest with myself. This will serve as an opportunity for me to share with all of you, and in turn, with myself.

Now that you know all of the objectives of this blog, I would like to share with you a resume of sorts. I don't expect you to read my blog until you are assured of my blogging skills and qualifications. They are as follows:

• I am friends with Paul Page. He has instilled in me a wisdom beyond my years. I intend to apply this to each and every post that I author, so as not to damage his name in any way.
• I am a published writer. In the 8th grade, one of my poems was printed in a monthly newsletter for the Kansas State Department of Education. Upon reviewing it this summer, I have decided that I will not share it... yet. Until you all need a good laugh. At me.
• I am not married. While that doesn't automatically relieve my name from an association of boring persons, it greatly diminishes the chances of my name being translated in such a way.
  
• I have blonde hair. This is grounds for many embarrassing comments made by me, but more often towards me. I am more than willing to all share these, so as to tarnish the names of those who have wronged me in this manner.
• My emotions are transient. I tend to be dramatic, and controversy is always interesting. Why else do any of us watch reality television? Or court TV? Or the news? Please refrain from these mundane forms of entertainment and choose to devote your free time to reading all about MY life. Your time is better used in this manner.
• I know all my friends' secrets.
• I am an avid music listener, movie watcher, book reader. I can enlighten you on the latest hits, I can update you on the new releases, AND I can notify you of the most recent blockbusters. I have many talents.

If all of these are not reason enough to continue reading, at least give me a second chance and wait to decide until the second post. After all, Jesus gives second chances, so should you.