The Servant

I've often prayed for a servant's heart. A true woman of Proverbs 31 has one. I have dreamed of the day that a guy compared me to this.

This day finally came.

However, it wasn't quite as I imagined it.

Tonight Laura, Christie, Matt and I were having a conversation about marriage. I'm not sure why this is our topic of conversation so often, but tonight it was worth it. Matt was helping us girls to understand how some guys try to interpret marriage, relationships, dating, etc. He used Paul as a specific example when we started to ask questions.

Me: He talks to me about relationships.
Christie: Yah, about lists and stuff.
Me: I don't agree with most of what he says. But he asks my permission to do stuff.
Matt: He just has an Old Testament view of things.
::Christie and I are both looking at each other, obviously confused::
Matt: It's like Isaac. He's sending out a servant to find him a mate.
Me: ...Am I the servant in this scenario?

In any other situation I probably could have taken this as a compliment. Sorry Matt, you're not fairing so hot lately on this front.

Lists

I was informed the other day that guys have at least one thing in common. This information was a disappointment to all of womankind. I was told that guys form "lists" wherein they name each and every girl they know. The list, however, is not set in stone. Though it is hard for a girl to be removed from the list, there are rotations. Some girls move up, others are shifted lower. In this scenario, the girls are rated by the guy's level of interest in them. Back to the fact that this is a disappointment to all womankind -- Romantic much? This seems like not.

• Girls, wouldn't you like it if the guy that was pursuing you wanted YOUR HEART ALONE!?

• Wouldn't it be awesome if he wasn't thinking "At least I've got a number 2...and a number 3..."?

• Don't you want your man to be chasing after you wholeheartedly, so much so that he can't even think of any other girls?

Well, apparently this list isn't true of all men. But in an effort to fully mock it, Matt Mills shared this anecdote:
"It's like this, you know, sports stats. It's the rankings. You've got a top 25, but there's a goal in mind. One girl's got to make it to the BCS Bowl."
These words melted my heart (NOT). I can't wait for another guy to relate my future marriage to the BCS Bowl. I don't know if it can be done. Also, if girls were to have lists, I think that guys who attempted this feat would be immediately removed.

Guarding My Heart

A few relationship-based issues have been brought to my attention lately. I would now like to bring them to your attention and let you ponder them. Hopefully you can confirm my suspicions. If not, I'll learn something new. Maybe what I'll learn is what's keeping me from being in a relationship? Just kidding but I want to guard mine and everybody else's heart. It's important.

So, relationships are complicated. You know what else is complicated? Not dating. Laura brought to my attention recently that this is a term that was coined by one of our friends last semester. There were a few sets of guy/girl couples that had paired off and were spending significant amounts of time together. This was distressing to other friends who were definitely single. One friend in particular said "All my friends who are NOT DATING are off doing things together." This term is referring to those that appear to be dating, but in fact are not. This phase of any relationship is difficult. Therefore, how are the onlookers supposed to handle it? Should they ignore it? Should they encourage it? Should they incessantly probe and tease, creating as many awkward situations as possible?

How about the situation of the girl that likes the guy? This one doesn't baffle me, except for those girls that choose to share with me their woes. In this instance, I say "It doesn't matter." That's my most typical response. If a girl likes a guy, it doesn't matter. Mostly because of Proverbs 4:23. If a girl is guarding her heart, liking a guy shouldn't matter. This is multi fold. 1: She should be a quiet servant of the Lord with a gentle spirit. Though her heart desires something, she should guard it to protect her LIFE. 2: No guy deserves any part of any girl's heart until he asks for it. 3: A girl can't and shouldn't read into anything a guy ever does unless he flat out says "I want your heart...I want to date you...I want you to be my girlfriend"...etc. If guys don't take hints, I assume that they also cannot give hints. This is for both the girl's and guy's benefit. However, is this the correct response? Should I encourage girls to share their feelings with other girls? How about with the certain special guy?

Those that are dating... Is it weird to ask when you're getting married? That is after all the goal. Maybe it takes the mystery out of it to ask, but I would assume that if wisdom is involved then there is at least a faint idea that it is in fact inevitable. I don't believe I agree in setting a date and booking a church until it's official, but does that make it a taboo topic?

Can girls even talk about the concept of marriage whilst guarding our hearts? If one girl likes a guy, whether she's dating him or not, is it healthy to think about marriage? I feel as though maybe it would be leading myself on. However, I don't necessarily think it's healthy to assume I'm NEVER getting married either. I believe that God is big enough to provide me with what I am to have. Right now I'm not supposed to be married or I'd be married, but I can't speak for my future. Does that mean I never should?

I feel as though I already know the answer to most of these questions. Proverbs 4:23 was a good start, but it's not the best. 1Corinthians 10:31-11:1 says it better: "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. Do not cause anyone to stumble, whether Jews, Greeks, or the church of God-even as I try to please everybody in every way. For I am not seeking my own good but the good of many, so that they may be saved. Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ." This is a good reference because the answer I've found is a quality response to all the questions I asked above...

"DO IT ALL FOR THE GLORY OF GOD!"

Getting Over My Self

I am kind of a stubborn person, but in the most positive way. The reason I see it as a good thing has a lot to do with the way I learn. Lately, I have been taught a lot of stuff -- mostly by God. My bullheadedness has come in handy in these situations. My absolute number one priority is, and will always be, to follow God and to do His will. I have fought conviction after conviction lately, and God has won out every time. I like to think it's because I let Him. Maybe I'll be convicted about that next..
Anyway, the point is, I am really driven (a nice way to say stubborn). I don't let a lot of things get in my way. When God asks me to sell my car, I do it. When God tells me to go to school, I do it. When God tells me to serve Him, I will. I just don't know how yet.
The issue lies in that God has asked these things of me, and I have submit to Him, and it is awesome. However, I can honestly say I didn't do it willingly. Stubbornness creates internal conflict. The lucky thing about internal conflict is that I always win. The down side is I also always lose. Because I am filled with Christ, His is usually the side that wins. The Holy Spirit has a funny way of being stronger willed than I am. But convictions are great, because when the Spirit wins out, and I am overcome with God's will for something, it takes a great shove to push me back to my old ways. I may not be happy yet about the things I have sacrificed, but I am not about to turn back around and try it the other way. I am definitely filled with joy over the things I have sacrificed.
God is so much bigger than me. His plan is so much better than mine. Though I have been fairly vague, I hope that my words don't fall on deaf ears (or blind eyes?). The application for this post really ought to just be that your flesh should not be enough to take you from what you believe to be true. I honestly believe that Jesus Christ lived a full and happy life completely free of sin. He also willingly sacrificed that whole life by dying an excruciatingly painful and ridiculously awful death. I know those things to be true, and it gives me hope that God will show me the way. I can be happy without sin, Jesus showed me how. I don't need to rely on my flesh and selfishness in order to find happiness. The flip side of that -- the sacrifice part -- that's encouraging too. Not in the obvious "Jesus loves me, He died for me" way. It's the fact that Jesus sacrificed, and I have to live just like him. That means I have to lay down my life; I have to make sacrifices and it's going to be ridiculously awful and excruciatingly painful sometimes. I'm not a sadist, but that's encouragement if I've ever heard it. I'm not God, so my sacrifices aren't going to save the world. But that doesn't stop me from holding that up as my goal: I want to save the world, one person at a time. So I pray that God continues to show me how to get over myself.