So, relationships are complicated. You know what else is complicated? Not dating. Laura brought to my attention recently that this is a term that was coined by one of our friends last semester. There were a few sets of guy/girl couples that had paired off and were spending significant amounts of time together. This was distressing to other friends who were definitely single. One friend in particular said "All my friends who are NOT DATING are off doing things together." This term is referring to those that appear to be dating, but in fact are not. This phase of any relationship is difficult. Therefore, how are the onlookers supposed to handle it? Should they ignore it? Should they encourage it? Should they incessantly probe and tease, creating as many awkward situations as possible?
How about the situation of the girl that likes the guy? This one doesn't baffle me, except for those girls that choose to share with me their woes. In this instance, I say "It doesn't matter." That's my most typical response. If a girl likes a guy, it doesn't matter. Mostly because of Proverbs 4:23. If a girl is guarding her heart, liking a guy shouldn't matter. This is multi fold. 1: She should be a quiet servant of the Lord with a gentle spirit. Though her heart desires something, she should guard it to protect her LIFE. 2: No guy deserves any part of any girl's heart until he asks for it. 3: A girl can't and shouldn't read into anything a guy ever does unless he flat out says "I want your heart...I want to date you...I want you to be my girlfriend"...etc. If guys don't take hints, I assume that they also cannot give hints. This is for both the girl's and guy's benefit. However, is this the correct response? Should I encourage girls to share their feelings with other girls? How about with the certain special guy?
Those that are dating... Is it weird to ask when you're getting married? That is after all the goal. Maybe it takes the mystery out of it to ask, but I would assume that if wisdom is involved then there is at least a faint idea that it is in fact inevitable. I don't believe I agree in setting a date and booking a church until it's official, but does that make it a taboo topic?
Can girls even talk about the concept of marriage whilst guarding our hearts? If one girl likes a guy, whether she's dating him or not, is it healthy to think about marriage? I feel as though maybe it would be leading myself on. However, I don't necessarily think it's healthy to assume I'm NEVER getting married either. I believe that God is big enough to provide me with what I am to have. Right now I'm not supposed to be married or I'd be married, but I can't speak for my future. Does that mean I never should?
I feel as though I already know the answer to most of these questions. Proverbs 4:23 was a good start, but it's not the best. 1Corinthians 10:31-11:1 says it better: "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. Do not cause anyone to stumble, whether Jews, Greeks, or the church of God-even as I try to please everybody in every way. For I am not seeking my own good but the good of many, so that they may be saved. Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ." This is a good reference because the answer I've found is a quality response to all the questions I asked above...
"DO IT ALL FOR THE GLORY OF GOD!"
1 comment:
Here is my one piece of advice I like to give out concerning guarding you heart.
*there is a great story behind this concept*
I prayed and before the Lord I was not going to date for a year. I was also going to view any and all guys as brothers in Christ. No romantic ideas, no thoughts of marriage just thinking of him as a brother.
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