Getting Over My Self

I am kind of a stubborn person, but in the most positive way. The reason I see it as a good thing has a lot to do with the way I learn. Lately, I have been taught a lot of stuff -- mostly by God. My bullheadedness has come in handy in these situations. My absolute number one priority is, and will always be, to follow God and to do His will. I have fought conviction after conviction lately, and God has won out every time. I like to think it's because I let Him. Maybe I'll be convicted about that next..
Anyway, the point is, I am really driven (a nice way to say stubborn). I don't let a lot of things get in my way. When God asks me to sell my car, I do it. When God tells me to go to school, I do it. When God tells me to serve Him, I will. I just don't know how yet.
The issue lies in that God has asked these things of me, and I have submit to Him, and it is awesome. However, I can honestly say I didn't do it willingly. Stubbornness creates internal conflict. The lucky thing about internal conflict is that I always win. The down side is I also always lose. Because I am filled with Christ, His is usually the side that wins. The Holy Spirit has a funny way of being stronger willed than I am. But convictions are great, because when the Spirit wins out, and I am overcome with God's will for something, it takes a great shove to push me back to my old ways. I may not be happy yet about the things I have sacrificed, but I am not about to turn back around and try it the other way. I am definitely filled with joy over the things I have sacrificed.
God is so much bigger than me. His plan is so much better than mine. Though I have been fairly vague, I hope that my words don't fall on deaf ears (or blind eyes?). The application for this post really ought to just be that your flesh should not be enough to take you from what you believe to be true. I honestly believe that Jesus Christ lived a full and happy life completely free of sin. He also willingly sacrificed that whole life by dying an excruciatingly painful and ridiculously awful death. I know those things to be true, and it gives me hope that God will show me the way. I can be happy without sin, Jesus showed me how. I don't need to rely on my flesh and selfishness in order to find happiness. The flip side of that -- the sacrifice part -- that's encouraging too. Not in the obvious "Jesus loves me, He died for me" way. It's the fact that Jesus sacrificed, and I have to live just like him. That means I have to lay down my life; I have to make sacrifices and it's going to be ridiculously awful and excruciatingly painful sometimes. I'm not a sadist, but that's encouragement if I've ever heard it. I'm not God, so my sacrifices aren't going to save the world. But that doesn't stop me from holding that up as my goal: I want to save the world, one person at a time. So I pray that God continues to show me how to get over myself.